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My lack of activity is not for naught…

I’m working hard to bring great stuff to you guys, but I can’t lie. A big part of what is keeping me from making posts on the regular here is I’m struggling. I thought I should write a post about it because this is part of the reality of being a writer.

I dont want to ever scare or discourage anyone from living life on their terms. The reality of it truly is terrifying and stressful though. A lot of people see the finished product of written books, probably rapidly released, and it seems pretty bad ass and easy. It certainly is not.

I’ve been trying to really get on my feet since the move from Louisiana to Utah. I was determined to make it here no matter what and so far, ive been successful.

I’ve managed to maintain a roof over my head for a solid month. That might not seem like a really big deal, since most people manage that regularly, but when you realize that I’m living in a motel room and paying between $290 a week to $395 a week, dependding on how much I’m able to pay for at one time (day to day or a discount for by the week), its actually quite a feat.

Its not being done with book sales though. I’m providing services for writers and pushing products like signed copies of books and merchandise like coffee mugs and t-shirts like my life depends on it. My ability to avoid being homeless actually does depend on it, and still, the most of the money ive made has been in the form of direct donations or loans of funds direct to my PayPal account to just help me pay for another day.

I’ve got a ton of stuff lined up to pay out in the future, but the day to day is where I struggle. It always seems to get worked out, but I literally stress, hustle, and push to get the word out, and connect with new people, write something, edit something else, and try to make what I need from the time I get up to the time I pass out every day.

The level of stress and pressure I’m under could be called self-induced. Ill agree with it to a point. I made a decision to build my own business a few years ago. I’ve worked every day toward that. I knew it would be hard when I got started and accepted that there would be hard times that come with it. To do something different, like get a regular job, would mean giving up on not only my dream, but on me myself. I just can’t do that. I have to make this work, even in the hard times, or I will die with a lot of regret.

As it stands, if I die tomorrow, I’ve come a long damn way from where I was when I got started and I’m happy with that.

Its not perfect, and sometimes it is not ideal. Right now for me, its downright scary, but it pushes me to try new things, help more people in non-financial ways, and just do more tomorrow than I did today. I have to have a ton of faith that ill survive and push through this every single day.

I get up every day and remind myself that I’m a goddess and goddesses dont stress or struggle. They snap their fingers and things line up for them. I snap my fingers and get to work because my faith comes from my own ability to pull things off. There is some magic and/or devine power in that, but I have to do the work. It just is the way it is.

I may not be actively writing blog posts here daily or weekly, but I am writing every day. Not all on what I want to, but my goal was to become a paid writer. I’m doing that. You can too!

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